james warner prophecies fell

Released: 01 January 2010 Label: Self released

Oh dear. Sometimes, things are just wrong. On every level. In every way. Just wrong, wrong, wrong. The James Warner Prophecies are such a thing. From the CD artwork, to the all flash but no substance website, to the appallingly self-important and directionless music, nothing adds up to anything of worth.

Bizarrely, the band describes themselves as the Foo Fighters meeting Jethro Tull and having an argument with Metallica and System of a Down. Hmm. It would be far more accurate to describe it as self-indulgent and meandering shoe gazing indie tosh so beloved of grubby students who like to sit in the Glastonbury mud once a year because it makes them oh so alternative.

The One features some Darkness-style falsetto vocals that are irritating rather than quirky, while Braincell Piracy succeeds only in highlighting a lack of cohesion. Fashionable Place of Birth tries really hard to be funny but ends up being desperate, leaving the horribly affected sub-Arctic Monkeys vocal lines of Judas Stone to wrap the whole thing up with a whimper.

In fairness, the band members can all play, which simply makes it all the more unforgivable that they can’t write a decent song between them. Still, with a lot of good reviews elsewhere and a lot of Myspace friends, they’ll probably be headlining Glasto within three years. Doesn’t mean you should go though.

by Marcus Jervis